In complete bewilderment I kept looking at the question for what seemed like an eternity. Why would he ask this? Why, after half a semester of interesting conversations and serious learning, did it come down to this? Why the self-destructive desire not to give him what I knew he wanted? For goodness’ sake, I was totally prepared for it, and then this… why? Dr. Wright had just handed us our psychology mid-term exam, and it consisted of just one question…”Why”?
As my classmates furiously attempted to find “logical answers” to an untenable inquiry, I sat frozen in my seat for more than an hour before revealing my dangerous response… “because.”
Several days later he summoned me to the university cafeteria for a “chat.” There he disclosed that my test response was the correct one, that I was the only student who got it, but that my reply necessitated psychological feedback, which we proceeded to share at length. For the next three years, through the completion of both my undergraduate and graduate degrees, Dr. Wright became the voice of reason, counselor and confidant in my life, and much more… my friend. It was impossible to restrain the tears at his funeral ten years later as I recounted all he meant to me. And there, always in the background but vivid and available, was his prognosis…”At the end of the day you will count your friends on one hand.” Dr. Wright was right.
What is a friend?
Goodness gracious, this from a Scriptures believer, devotions disciple and Bible study participant? I suppose my take comes from the definition, for the word friend may mean something different to you than to me. I am surrounded by “close acquaintances” who share my spiritual, ethical and moral space and with whom a conversation about Christ is common, expected and rewarding. On the other hand, for me a friend is someone who has bonded through trials and tribulations, whom I trust with my most intimate thoughts and to whom I grant time and effort while pouring into their lives. If that sounds like a lot of work, it certainly is. Real friends take real work, real patience, real time, real transparency, real concern… a considerable task indeed.
So, for those who have numerous friends that enjoy your bountiful time, diligence and recurring efforts while receiving comparable reciprocity, there is no need to continue… congratulations. For the rest of us, however, how do we treat “close acquaintances?” Do we call them friends? How do we deal with those who consider us their “friend,” but we can’t match up? Is it best to have three real close friends or 15 close acquaintances? And from a personal perspective, what to say when asked by readers of this article whether I am their friend or just a buddy?
Friendship versus fellowship
To me, it comes down to the difference between friendship and fellowship. The first is based on mutual affection and chemistry while the latter is a purpose-driven attraction based on common goals and beliefs. The bedrock of my Christian walk is the recognition that Jesus is my redeemer and closest friend. He in turn provides brothers and sisters who surround me and march by my side. Although chemistry or affection may surface in these relationships, the common denominator and driving force is our belief, our surrender, our obedience to Jesus Christ…holy fellows. I am attracted to the 19th-century hymn “What a Friend We Have in Jesus” for as the Apostle Peter wrote, “submit to God, humble yourselves under His mighty hand, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.” This sounds like true fellowship; this sounds very inviting to me.
Solomon calls for us to sharpen each other regardless of the degree of “social communion” we share. When it’s all said and done what ultimately matters is that we are a family, chosen by the Creator himself. We may choose our friends, but what really counts is that He chose us first. I am blessed to have a beautiful Christian wife that happens to be my best friend on earth, yet I did not choose her… He did. He chose my best friend for me… imagine that! And moreover, He provided me with the Holy Spirit as a sacred compass to locate my Christian companions. Wow, what a friend we have in Jesus!
Omar Aleman is a retired federal agent and consultant. He and his wife Julianne assist and support several Christian non-profit organizations both here and abroad.
For more Good News, read the GOOD NEWS June 2026 Issue at: https://digital.goodnewsfl.org/2026/june/#1